Andi Lutz

Once I took restrictions off myself, things got easier. I used to think I had to publish things at exactly the same time every day or forgo doing it, which in turn just made me write less, if at all, and made me publish even less. I also thought that I had to publish things in publications. I would submit and wait, and obsess, and obsess, and obsess. Little writing got done, if at all, because all I was interested in was clicking to see if it got published, accepted, rejected, what were other people doing, what is wrong with me, why isn't my writing good enough? These things ran through my head constantly and destroyed me. But when I published in amazing publications with a lot of subscribers, guess what happened? My writing got less notice than when I would publish without a publication. So, I decided it didn’t matter, I didn’t need a fancy publication, I didn’t need to have the downward spiral when a publication rejected me. I didn’t need to waste my time waiting for them ...

I need alone time more than I need anything else in life right now, or so I thought I have a husband, a daughter that is almost three and is just starting to get good at the terrible twos thing, four big dogs, three cats, one of which thinks he’s a dog and weighs about the size of a small dog. He even eats the dog food, wants to be outside with the other stinky mutts, and challenges them at times and wins. The dogs back down; maybe it’s because he has claws or they think he is one mean alpha pup. Everyone wants to be around me at all times I never get a moment to my self; there is always some warm body trying to snuggle up to me or wanting to be fed. Between being a stay at home mom and the only housekeeper (which I’ve given up on because I clean and turn around and there's a new mess,) I get no me time. In a house full of animals who don’t pick up after themselves I’m no match, I would constantly be cleaning every second of my life. I'm surrounded by dog farts and...

The world reminds me that I don’t fit, It speaks constantly, I seek silence in the chaos. Every day when I can't find the right thing to say, When I see others fitting in like they are the perfect puzzle piece, When I get judged because I want to observe and sit quietly, I see what is important. I see who people are when my mouth is still. It’s amazing what you hear in the silence, What secrets you find out, When people finally stop talking, They reveal themselves. And I am not accepted because I choose not to be like others. I find no need to talk, and talk, and talk. I am me, I choose to embrace the quiet. And you are who you are, You choose to be loud, You choose to talk and judge me because I am not like you.

I learned the hard way what not to do when writing a book. Now I know why you don’t publish your first book. If you don’t know what you are doing, you create a mess for yourself. I didn’t have a plan, I thought ‘I’m a panser, this book is going to be great. Real writers don’t need to spend months plotting out their book.’ But I was wrong, seriously wrong, and I learned from it. I understand why people spend a lot of time writing a book, editing it, perfecting it, then they don’t write another one. It’s a lot of work if you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s the same with everything in life. If you don’t do the research and figure out the best way to do something, it soon becomes harder to fix your mistakes. And believe me, you will make a lot of mistakes if you just jump in with both feet. You want to have a good product; you want to show the world your talent. But I am impatient. I want to get it done and get it out there. I have absolutely no patience anymore...