Please Invade My Privacy Week 2




Please Invade My Privacy
by Andi Lutz
Week 2

My husband and I just got to the park with our one year old daughter and perfect timing, she needed a diaper change. My husband volunteers, strange, unexpected, and not normal but who am I to turn down the chance for me to get two minutes to myself and a pass on dirty diaper ‘doody’. Oh, a pun, almost as bad as a dirty diaper. Sorry, I’ll try to steer clear of those from now on.

So, my husband goes back to the car and I just stand there thinking about what all I could do with my two free minutes.

I start to clap my hands and say “Yay.” If you have a young child who doesn’t speak yet this is what you do with them. But this isn’t mommy and baby time, this is me time. Then I start to feel selfish, me time, me time. Really, I will never have me time again, ever. If you are a mom, you understand this. While being selfish for cherishing the two minutes of me time I have, I realize I need to socialize, yes, ugh, I need to socialize.

Well, there are other people at the park. So much for me time, let’s get down to business. I look around and decide the easiest people to talk to would be the kids. I can do that but the parents would think it’s weird. See, I’m thinking this time. Ok, I only have two minutes so I need to get started.

There’s a mom pushing her little one in a baby swing, perfect, common ground.

I walk over, I hate walking in front of people. I can never walk normal when other people are around. What is wrong with me, does one leg all the sudden get longer than the other? Do I walk too sexy normally when I don’t pay attention, then when I’m self-conscious I stiffen up and look like I have leg braces on. Do other people have funny walk syndrome when in the company of others?





Ok, so I finally get to the swings only slightly feeling like I drug the longer leg and was able to stifle the sexy walk with my imaginary leg braces. Mental note, stop being so mental. I lean up against the swing set pole because I have this thing about standing still too long and feeling faint, I’ll tell you about that another time, I already feel you sending me ‘she’s crazy vibes.’ Anyway, I’m at the swings, leaning against the pole and I do that head nod thing and say ‘Hi.’ I didn’t cross my arms even though I really, really wanted to but I have always heard that’s bad body language and I wanted to be way open so I let my arms dangle limp at my sides. What else am I supposed to do with these things?

The poor mom, she’s been watching me since I managed to walk up. She says hi and I’m thinking, yes, I have a new best friend. We can have play dates, girls nights out, drink wine, talk about books. I’ve always wanted a best friend. Ok, what’s my next move, common ground so I ask, ‘How old’s your baby?’ She starts to take him out of the swing and is looking at me funny, she says ‘eight months, why?’

At this point I hear my husband whistling and yelling my name. Great, my two minutes are up. I look over and he’s still at the car, he must be having trouble. I need to go asap and start to take off and over my shoulder I yell to my new best friend ‘I have a poop emergency, don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.’ Yes, I said that out loud, I didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

I realize how odd it was for me to “walk” up to a lady with a little baby and hang out when she never even saw that I had a child and then announce I have a poop emergency.

I’m learning. After the fact.

Please Invade My Privacy! So I don’t have to invade yours.

Please Invade My Privacy
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7

#PleaseInvadeMyPrivacy
If You Enjoyed This, Please Share It

KEEP ME WRITING AND SUPPORT MY WEBSITE

Anything as little as $1 is appreciated!

If you aren't able to do this I still appreciate your support by sharing my website, subscribing at the bottom of the page, or sending me an email.

Of course, if you can do all of the above, that's even better. Thanks so much!

Search

Popular Posts

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required
How often would you like posts sent to you?
or Only Subscribe to the Posts You Like
Email Format