Olive Garden Pasta Pass
by Andi Lutz
It's My Birthday
It was my birthday and my girlfriends took me out to a fancy dinner. I got dressed up, I even put on nice shoes, they had a heel and everything. I was hoping to go to you know where, but it didn’t happen. Instead they took me to some over-priced place with food on the menu which I had no idea what it was. There was absolutely no pasta in the restaurant, I asked, the waiter looked at me like I was crazy. So, no they absolutely did not have never ending pasta.
Oh, well. I was going to try to make the best of it, I was with my friends, after all. We drank wine and chatted. And gossiped. When my food came it looked like a teeny, tiny piece of art, as if it wasn’t meant to be consumed. Every little sprig, sauce, or shaving was painstakingly placed at just the right angle on my plate. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it, anyway if I did, I’d still be hungry. How can they call this a meal, it’s like they put it through a shrinky dink machine before they brought it out.
I managed to look like I was eating, at least for a while. I pushed the little pieces of food around on the plate and made a stick man but he was missing an arm. I’d think for $50 a plate they could have given me four pieces of asparagus, so my guy could have all his limbs.
I pulled my phone out to check the time. I could still hit Olive Garden on the way home and eat some real food. I looked up, no one was watching me, I slid the phone under the table and lowered my gaze so I could see it. I opened the Olive Garden app then started selecting different combinations from their never ending pasta menu and came up with a new one I’d never had. My mouth started to water. Then I noticed that everyone at the table was silent, I looked up. Everyone was staring at me.
“Um, you know, I don’t feel well. I think I’m going to head home.” I said my goodbyes and guiltily headed out to my car. I already had the quickest route to Olive Garden planned out.
When I got there I ordered the new combination I created on the app. I dished out my salad and breadsticks that are all regular size and don’t cost a fortune, actually they don’t cost a thing with my meal. Ah, it was good to be back. I looked around and felt so welcome sitting there alone. I wondered whether it would look odd if I asked them to sing Happy Birthday for my table of one. A huge smile came over me and I didn’t feel the lettuce stuck in my teeth. Why not, let them sing, it’s my birthday!
Olive Garden Pasta Pass
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